For all the connectivity offered by social media, we “have never been  more detached from one another, or lonelier.” Do you agree?
It’s the great paradox of our age, said Stephen Marche in The Atlantic.  Thanks to texting, Facebook, Google+, and Twitter, Americans now live  in “a web of connection” in which we can reach everyone we know in just a  fraction of a second. Yet for all this connectivity, we “have never  been more detached from one another, or lonelier.” A 2010 study by the  AARP found that 35 percent of adults over the age of 45 were chronically  lonely, up from 20 percent a decade earlier. Another major study  reported that 20 percent of Americans—some 60 million people—are unhappy  with their lives because of loneliness. 
Facebook, of course, isn’t the sole cause of the growing isolation so  many people feel, but there’s little doubt that it is amplifying it.  Social media lure us into “increasingly superficial connections at  exactly the same moment they make avoiding the mess of human interaction  easy.” So instead of engaging our friends in meaningful, face-to-face  conversation, we now spend hours a day clicking “like” on their photos  and exchanging single-sentence status updates. “In a world consumed by  ever more novel modes of socializing, we have less and less actual  society.”
It’s true that people report feeling lonelier, said Jeff Bercovici in Forbes.com.  But this is a phenomenon that precedes Facebook. Between 1985 and 2004,  the year Mark Zuckerberg launched his site, surveys found that the  average American’s number of close confidants shrank from three to two;  in that pre-Facebook era, one in four Americans had zero close friends.
 There are many reasons for this increasing isolation, such as the  fact that we work ever-longer hours, commute longer distances, and have  less time to socialize. “And technology undoubtedly has a lot to do with  it.” Just don’t blame Facebook alone. In fact, research shows that the  site can actually strengthen our friendship networks, said Luke Allnutt  in Radio Free Europe online. A recent Pew Research Center study  found that Facebook members had more close confidants than non-Facebook  users. That’s possibly because Facebook allows us to better nurture and  manage existing relationships. When my son was born last year, for  example, I uploaded a photo of him onto Facebook; within minutes, I  received dozens of “likes” and congratulatory comments from family  members, friends, and people I hadn’t seen in 20 years. Those “likes”  weren’t throwaway sentiments, but rather “the equivalent of smiles,”  pats on the back, or wineglasses raised in my boy’s honor. “Facebook  didn’t make me feel lonely; quite the opposite in fact.”
I really wish Facebook was making us lonely, said Alexandra Petri in WashingtonPost.com,  but it’s actually doing something far worse. Every day, it forces you  to face the fact that your friends’ lives are going better than yours.  Ugh: Mimi has just posted photos of her engagement ring. Carl won a  Pulitzer. “Camilla just got into graduate school (twitch) and Ann was  elected to the Senate (twitch) and Marcel won the Goncourt prize  (twitch).” After gritting your teeth and clicking “like” on each of  these infuriating announcements, you’re left wanting to retreat “to a  secluded area and scream wordlessly for hours.”
 Please stop blaming Mark Zuckerberg for your problems, said John McQuaid in Forbes.com.  Hating something as popular as Facebook “has a certain resonance,” but  research shows that the site is just a tool that can amplify people’s  feeling of isolation or be used to alleviate it. It all depends on what  you put into it. The blame game “assumes a kind of infantilization  effect, that Facebook (or any social tool) can determine the conditions  of your life for good or ill.”
Open your eyes, said Sherry Turkle in The New York Times.  Everywhere you look, you’ll see the proof that social media are turning  us into solitary creatures. Whether at a college library, a coffee  shop, or even a beach, people now spend much of their time looking down,  while “furiously connected to keyboards and tiny touch screens.” Being  “alone together” has an addictive appeal, because real human  relationships are messy, demanding, and frustrating. By compressing  other people to digital connections, we can keep each other “carefully  at bay. Not too close, not too far, just right.”
 Facebook and Twitter also give us the power to “present the self we  want to be,” carefully tailoring our status updates and retouching  photos of ourselves. But beware: “Sips” of online connection provide  only “the illusion of companionship.” May I suggest that we put down our  devices, “look at one another, and let’s start the conversation.”
- As seen in The Week
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